"A verse from the Veda says, 'What you see, you become.' In other words,
just the experience of perceiving the world makes you what you are. This
is a quite literal statement."
- Deepak Chopra
"At all times I will be the pupil of everyone."
- Shantideva
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Interesting Perspective on relationship
From the New York Times website.
I thought this was very interesting and wanted to share with all of you. I often hear in my office about what is wrong or challenging about gay relationships and then someone goes off and offers this aspect. What a gift! Jerry
June 10, 2008
Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
For insights into healthy marriages, social scientists are looking in an unexpected place.
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
Next week, California will begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, reigniting the national debate over gay marriage. But relationship researchers say it also presents an opportunity to study the effects of marriage on the quality of all relationships.
“When I look at what’s happening in California, I think there’s a lot to be learned to explore how human beings relate to one another,” said Sondra E. Solomon, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. “How people care for each other, how they share responsibility, power and authority — those are the key issues in relationships.”
The stereotype for same-sex relationships is that they do not last. But that may be due, in large part, to the lack of legal and social recognition given to same-sex couples. Studies of dissolution rates vary widely.
After Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000, researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples and their heterosexual married siblings. The focus was on how the relationships were affected by common causes of marital strife like housework, sex and money.
Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.
While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.
“Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship,” said Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University. “That’s very different than what same-sex couples and heterosexual men live with.”
Other studies show that what couples argue about is far less important than how they argue. The egalitarian nature of same-sex relationships appears to spill over into how those couples resolve conflict.
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay physically agitated after a conflict.
“When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding,” said Robert W. Levenson, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.
The findings suggest that heterosexual couples need to work harder to seek perspective. The ability to see the other person’s point of view appears to be more automatic in same-sex couples, but research shows that heterosexuals who can relate to their partner’s concerns and who are skilled at defusing arguments also have stronger relationships.
One of the most common stereotypes in heterosexual marriages is the “demand-withdraw” interaction, in which the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict. But some surprising new research shows that same-sex couples also exhibit the pattern, contradicting the notion that the behavior is rooted in gender, according to an abstract presented at the 2006 meeting of the Association for Psychological Science by Sarah R. Holley, a psychology researcher at Berkeley.
Dr. Levenson says this is good news for all couples.
“Like everybody else, I thought this was male behavior and female behavior, but it’s not,” he said. “That means there is a lot more hope that you can do something about it.”
I thought this was very interesting and wanted to share with all of you. I often hear in my office about what is wrong or challenging about gay relationships and then someone goes off and offers this aspect. What a gift! Jerry
June 10, 2008
Gay Unions Shed Light on Gender in Marriage
By TARA PARKER-POPE
For insights into healthy marriages, social scientists are looking in an unexpected place.
A growing body of evidence shows that same-sex couples have a great deal to teach everyone else about marriage and relationships. Most studies show surprisingly few differences between committed gay couples and committed straight couples, but the differences that do emerge have shed light on the kinds of conflicts that can endanger heterosexual relationships.
The findings offer hope that some of the most vexing problems are not necessarily entrenched in deep-rooted biological differences between men and women. And that, in turn, offers hope that the problems can be solved.
Next week, California will begin issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, reigniting the national debate over gay marriage. But relationship researchers say it also presents an opportunity to study the effects of marriage on the quality of all relationships.
“When I look at what’s happening in California, I think there’s a lot to be learned to explore how human beings relate to one another,” said Sondra E. Solomon, an associate professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. “How people care for each other, how they share responsibility, power and authority — those are the key issues in relationships.”
The stereotype for same-sex relationships is that they do not last. But that may be due, in large part, to the lack of legal and social recognition given to same-sex couples. Studies of dissolution rates vary widely.
After Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000, researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples and their heterosexual married siblings. The focus was on how the relationships were affected by common causes of marital strife like housework, sex and money.
Notably, same-sex relationships, whether between men or women, were far more egalitarian than heterosexual ones. In heterosexual couples, women did far more of the housework; men were more likely to have the financial responsibility; and men were more likely to initiate sex, while women were more likely to refuse it or to start a conversation about problems in the relationship. With same-sex couples, of course, none of these dichotomies were possible, and the partners tended to share the burdens far more equally.
While the gay and lesbian couples had about the same rate of conflict as the heterosexual ones, they appeared to have more relationship satisfaction, suggesting that the inequality of opposite-sex relationships can take a toll.
“Heterosexual married women live with a lot of anger about having to do the tasks not only in the house but in the relationship,” said Esther D. Rothblum, a professor of women’s studies at San Diego State University. “That’s very different than what same-sex couples and heterosexual men live with.”
Other studies show that what couples argue about is far less important than how they argue. The egalitarian nature of same-sex relationships appears to spill over into how those couples resolve conflict.
One well-known study used mathematical modeling to decipher the interactions between committed gay couples. The results, published in two 2003 articles in The Journal of Homosexuality, showed that when same-sex couples argued, they tended to fight more fairly than heterosexual couples, making fewer verbal attacks and more of an effort to defuse the confrontation.
Controlling and hostile emotional tactics, like belligerence and domineering, were less common among gay couples.
Same-sex couples were also less likely to develop an elevated heartbeat and adrenaline surges during arguments. And straight couples were more likely to stay physically agitated after a conflict.
“When they got into these really negative interactions, gay and lesbian couples were able to do things like use humor and affection that enabled them to step back from the ledge and continue to talk about the problem instead of just exploding,” said Robert W. Levenson, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Berkeley.
The findings suggest that heterosexual couples need to work harder to seek perspective. The ability to see the other person’s point of view appears to be more automatic in same-sex couples, but research shows that heterosexuals who can relate to their partner’s concerns and who are skilled at defusing arguments also have stronger relationships.
One of the most common stereotypes in heterosexual marriages is the “demand-withdraw” interaction, in which the woman tends to be unhappy and to make demands for change, while the man reacts by withdrawing from the conflict. But some surprising new research shows that same-sex couples also exhibit the pattern, contradicting the notion that the behavior is rooted in gender, according to an abstract presented at the 2006 meeting of the Association for Psychological Science by Sarah R. Holley, a psychology researcher at Berkeley.
Dr. Levenson says this is good news for all couples.
“Like everybody else, I thought this was male behavior and female behavior, but it’s not,” he said. “That means there is a lot more hope that you can do something about it.”
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
The Play About Henry
MISSA SOLEMNIS OR THE PLAY ABOUT HENRY by Roman Feeser, directed by Linda S.
Nelson is a provocative drama based on the actual events of gay Mormon
Henry Stuart Matis who had engaged his life in a false dilemma: either one is gay
or one is Christian. As he believed he was Christian, he believed he could
never be gay. Trapped between his same gender attraction and the power of his LDS
faith, Henry would make the ultimate sacrifice to remove the chains of his
morality. This performance features the New York cast of Matt Huffman, Susan
Pierson, Bill Fairbairn, Warren Katz and Jai Catalano. To learn more about the
play, go to www.theplayabouthenry.com
ONE NIGHT ONLY
benefit performance in
Salt Lake City, Utah
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
with the New York City
cast. At the Rose Wagner
Theatre
Saturday, June 7, 2008
2008 Fairy Scout Camp In August
Auntie Brucie invites you to QUEER SUMMER CAMP:
Fairy Scout Camp!
July 31, 2008 through August 3, 2008
About a month ago a few of us went to a festival at WindWalker Ranch and had such a wonderful time that the idea of Queer Summer Camp was birthed.
This event will be different than the retreats: We want to relax and enjoy camp and company.
We are inviting YOU to plan the weekend. Each of us enjoy talents that are just waiting to be shared and birthed. This weekend will be your opportunity to set up your talent, workshop, etc.
I would love to call out a Talent Show for one night. The stage and logistics are being formulated.... Some inner talent begging to be seen or explored? Bring it on?
Workshops could include/ might include the following:
Tarot and Divination
Body Work
Meditate
Movement and Dance
DJ's
Yoga
Sweat Lodge
Pipe Ceremony
Sing
Dance
Hike
Art
Musically Inclined
Pagans
Christians
Healer (ings)
WHO DID I MISS?
Don't limit yourself.... bring it. In fact, E mail me through the contact page of this website and lets process what you have to offer, our goal is to create the space.
Are you thinking you just want to come and be part of this wonderful gathering???? Come join us. We are opening the door to all queer men, regardless of age or ability to bring together the pieces of our community.
We are about building community of mindful souls. Looking for fun, sensuality and mindfulness. Creating focus while creating community... bringing what we have to explore and bringing it forward.
We are asking to set up camp on Thursday night. Bring your own gear, trailers, tents, food, water, sunscreen and anything else you would need for camping. We are asking that if folks have devices for shade and cover that would be a nice addition for community space. Dress wildly and freely...
The agenda for this event will build as people RSVP through E mail (jerrybuie@mac.com). * This event is a fundraiser for Queer Spirit and WindWalker's Learning Center. We are suggesting a $100 donation.... However, we are not turning anyone away from lack of funds. If you need a scholarship please contact us at jerrybuie@mac.com and we will work something out. SEE YOU SOON.
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