This was shared on our Yahoo Site for Queer Spirit. Its an interesting thought and wonder if there are any responses to this thread?
There is an interesting article in the September 2008 edition of "Out"
magazine by Michael Joseph Gross on how Manhunt took over our world.
It pertains directly to some of the topics covered in the talking
circle we had at Fairy Scout Camp this past weekend.
I quote from page 118:
<<"Looking for Mr. Right," countless Manhunt profiles claim, but until
he comes along, they're open to playing with Mr. Right Now. Online
cruising has its place in gay society: Access to a satisfying number
of Mr. Right Nows is part of the pleasure and the privilege of moving
to the big city to be gay.
Beyond a certain point, though, perpetually settling for Mr. Right Now
becomes a failure of hope. When you came out, you did it because you
wanted something. Part of what you wanted was sex, but part of what
you hoped for was the possibility of being loved as your true self.
And when, as often happens while curising online, we diminish the hopes
that drew us out of the closet, we reduce sexy to a purely physical act.
When we do these things we lie to ourselves - and worse, we tell the
same lies that our enemies tell about us. The fundamentalist canard
about loving the sinner but hating the sin draws a nonsensical
distinction between person and act. Cruising online, by encouraging us
to separate sex from the rest of our lives, does exactly the same
thing. These are falsehoods about human nature and about the place of
love in our lives, and they undermine the belief that sex can be
anything more than a pastime.
. . .
We celebrate the fact that we're out to the straight world, even though
the only thing that menas, in many cases is that they know we're gay.
When we longged on, I don't thik most of us realized we were creating
new secret lives. I don't think we knew what we were getting into.
But we got into it. For most of us, this is not working. And it it's
not working for you, then it's time to get off.>>
One of the many benefits of Queer Spirit retreats and activities for me
is getting to meet gay men in an intentional community and enjoy them
as whole people. Would I like to have sex with some of the men I meet
in these activities? Duh. But when I do (no disclosures here)
hopefully it will be as two conscious individuals and not two sets of
statistics. Maybe I'm (figuratively) smoking dope, but think about it,
maybe having sex with friends would be more rewarding than having sex
with strangers. I would love to see any comments.
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3 comments:
I'm glad that you are doing this.
thanks. Hope you can come and join us, we are having incredible journeys together!
Sometime ago I met an acquaintance, we found delight in each others company and shortly after we became friends. One night we shared a sexual experience together, my American instinct told me to run away. So I did!
After a short while I began to missed my friend, we shared many great experiences together. My personal favorite was spending a day on the slopes together, we’d return home to devour a pizza and drink wine. We shared a level of comfort and understanding of each other, it was a special friendship. I eventually learned that intimacy with friends is okay and running away was not the answer….our friendship continued down it’s journey.
It’s not that I haven’t had my fair share of anonymous experiences or domesticated baggage about this topic, but I learned from my friend. It’s ludicrous to share a sexual experience with an anonymous partner and find more comfort in that relationship then having a sexual experience with a friend; who you know and possibly trust.
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